Something of a low-point for me personally. I have to tread a little carefully, as I know this blog is read fairly widely over here, and I do not want to cause alarm; it is perfectly normal to go through ups and downs. But this is definitely a down.
The main problem is my concern for the project, for the putting on of some theatre. That is after all why I have come, that is my passion. (And for a reserved Englishman, it does not come easily to talk about passion – it’s not exactly my preferred mode, understatement and self deprecation.) But true, all the same.
Even when dealing with young people with very little experience or knowledge of Drama (I remember the Afghan youngster – “Please sir, what is theatre?”) my usual approach is to get to know them and introduce them to the whole affair by having fun, by playing games, by gradually introducing the idea of telling a story in performance, and building their confidence, bit by bit. And then we choose a suitable play and cast it, then rehearse, with the performance the icing on the cake.
For a number of reasons, that has not occurred here, and I am floundering somewhat, trying to bake that cake without having the ingredients (let alone an oven!) Odyssey was something of an obstacle. I loved it, and it was a great experience, but it did take up the first three weeks or so of my time here. It also lulled me into a false sense of confidence that all would work out well. I already had a play (and only six minutes long, at that); it was already cast; and the cast were all committed, with enough of them showing real ability to mean I could help them create something to be proud of. And something in me must have said, well if I can do it in miniature, all we have to do is scale everything up.
But that has proved very difficult. First of all, I have not had that period of growth, working together, building a team (and only two members of the Odyssey gang have felt able or willing to join me.) It was thought and hoped that I might be able to get to know more people by taking some classes. I have taught two lessons in a classroom, so most unsatisfactory for all, and one in the seminar room. It was great, but it was nowhere near enough, not even for that class, let alone all the other students who have only seen me in the car park.
I also feel (careful now, Chris) that the culture of the college is not geared towards the sort of work I do. It is specifically targeted at the vocational, successfully teaching business, hotel management, computer studies and many other related subjects. But there is no time given to the arts, no facilities either; the Seminar Room is the only space of any size in the college, so is much in demand for, well, seminars, but also used for presentations and other slightly ceremonial functions, plus the occasional party. But it is the only space I can use for Drama, beyond maybe three or four characters, in a scene with little movement. And I can only expect I cause a certain resentment and irritation.
It was a bit of a gloomy meeting in the Staff room this afternoon, largely, I suspect, affected by my own concerns; vital roles unfilled, because of a lack of boys, trying to choose actors when I have seen them for about half an hour, a more general sense that what I am doing here is not really appreciated.
We went to have a look, for the second time, at the hall we will need to hire to put the production on, and for the second time it was all locked up. Then Aparna, Aashish and I went for dinner at the Indian restaurant. I was famished, so we over-ordered… and then I could only eat a little.
Went to bed depressed, wondering why I had come here, questioning my own ability. But it’s a new day in the morning, so off we go again!
