Wayne managed to depress me in the morning, when he told me he didn’t think there would be any more work for a while; I was very depressed. And it’s not just the financial aspect, I think – it’s a feeling of not being wanted, of not having my contribution appreciated. It happened with J + A, for perhaps the first time ever, that I was accepted only as the dead wood of the deal, that I had to be along because Val was the wanted person. And then the same with Doug. And now again. It pisses me off. Once upon a time when Val said little and was the mouse of the relationship, I felt that, to some extent, I carried her. She resented it then. I resent it now. Everyone loves to be loved. And wanted. And needed. And appreciated. Anyway.
My job this morning was to scrub all the wooden poolside benches. It was hard work, in that I was bent over all day, scrubbing, so that it really got to my back. There was no work for Val this morning, which gave her the chance for a lie-in, her first since we arrived here. The usual afternoon, + then work in the evening. Uneventful in the extreme, not to say a little tedious. Which is the way the cookie crumbles.
My, aren’t we down in the dumps today? All part of a general malaise, lack of self esteem, whatever. Still, we should not complain. We had somewhere to stay, some money coming in. Things could be worse.