A much much nicer day today. When I awoke we were nearly becalmed, but a wind came up from the South and got stronger as the day wore on, pushing us firmly and smoothly in the direction we want to go. I cooked up an elaborate breakfast of bacon with a sort of potato patty. The latter didn’t work out even vaguely as it was supposed to, but was tasty and filling enough nonetheless. And at lunchtime Doug dragged out a loaf of bread + invited me to fix some lunch. I strongly suspect his motivation was half guilt and half appeasement. Either way, I seized the proffered opportunity – fixed Val + I a sandwich each. After dinner (which was very nice by the way,) Doug repeated a favourite theme – high praise of Val. This in itself I don’t mind – Val deserves it. But quite clearly + openly applied to the same idea is implied criticism of me, as so much useless dead wood. Which is a shade dispiriting to a feller somewhat lacking in the old self-esteem. And is, incidentally, rather rude. Val attempted, unsuccessfully, to cheer me up, but she also made a couple of interesting points. First that I am far less willing to accommodate myself t others than she is. (True.) And that except in circumstances when I feel totally secure or when I’m drunk (or, I might add, both) I am exceedingly quiet + reserved. (I also come out of my shell on stage.) Which is true, too. And just like my dad.
More introspection, laced with self-pity – not a good look.
Pamela J Blair
It’s hard to look back at some psychological features we wish hadn’t shown up (and of course we’re now thankfully rid of). At least, you could listen to what Val had to tell you back then!